Ex's salvation foremost in family friend's mind

She's written before. She is the niece of The Ex's newly deceased, lifelong friend and cruise-buddy.

When The Ex was diagnosed, she was one of the first to send a sentimental card with inspiring words for peace and hope and salvation.


She also sent a book about the case for faith, and most recently, her mother passed to me a few carefully word-processed pages of scripture and very specific instructions for prayers -- prayers her daughter believes must be said, to save The Ex's soul from Eternal Damnation. She wants his end to be peaceful and hopeful. As do we all.

I have these pages, and The Ex knows I have these pages, and that I have promised to share them with him. But this post chemo-weekend doesn't seem like the time for it. It's been a real bummer.

Today, this same, sweet young woman emailed. She is VERY concerned about saving The Ex's soul, because, as she wrote, "not everyone gets to go to heaven!" She's afraid he'll die without accepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, thus damning him to hell forever.

She wanted to know if I'd had the "Salvation talk" and reminded me that this is very serious business.

Here is my reply. How do you think I did? Let me know.

Writer's note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Hi, Robin -

The Ex and I have had the salvation conversation, many times, but ours was probably not the way you would prefer, because my faith is a little different from yours. Someday I will share the differences, but for now, yours is the faith I have promised to share with him.

I believe (as I know you do) that God is a gentleman. He waits for his children to come to him. He does not push, harass or goad his children into accepting Him as their Heavenly Father.

He is God. He can do anything he wants! He could MAKE us accept him with one mighty wave of His hand. But, He is the God of Free Will, and instead, he waits patiently.

While God watches and waits, we use our free will to do whatever we want. Some people use their free will for good, others use their free will for bad, but it is these good and bad free will experiences that eventually motivate us to use our free will to seek God, Forgiveness, and Salvation.

The Ex, like many other analytic and scientific thinkers, has always thought that the World is ordered by Nature, and that Nature orders itself.

As time goes on, though, he has witnessed some things, perhaps by God's will, (such as the recent surprise death of his cruise-buddy, your Uncle) that are making him think again about WHO 'nature' really is, and WHO ultimately brings about the Order of Life.

Even after he witnessed the birth of our son, he still questioned the existence of God, but by the Grace of his dear friend's recent death, The Ex is finally beginning to think there IS a God, and perhaps He IS controlling the natural order of things!

Baby steps.

We were discussing theology the other night, and he asked about Jesus. Who was he again? So, I explained who Jesus is, and how God sent him to earth as His human son by virtue of his birth to the Virgin Mary. That he was sent here, just to die for our sins.

I told him how Jesus became the conduit between Man and God, and gave us a path to Heaven. And then the final stickler, that "no man cometh before the Father, except by Me (Jesus)."

Another baby step.

The Ex spends most of his time working, sleeping and/or being sick. After a course of chemo, on a day like today or yesterday, he is miserable.

He moves from spot to spot, looking for a comfortable place to rest, but he can't seem to find it anywhere. Can't keep anything down. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Just being awake hurts.

But, he's not far enough along on his journey to think about asking God for help. How awful it must be to have nothing to lean on!

Sadly, like yesterday, today is no day for discussions, especially heady, theological discussions. For now, most of the prayers to God asking for relief or healing (or even salvation) for The Ex will have to come from those of us who love him.

In these post-chemo sick days, we discuss pain, meds, nausea, and comfort issues. I clean the bowl he vomits in, try to offer foods and liquids, try to make sure he takes the meds he needs to fight the nausea that comes from chemo, meds, dehydration, and shortage of nourishment.

Meanwhile, he moves from restless spot to restless spot -- the bed, the couch, the lounge chair; the bed, the couch, the lounge chair. He's too busy being miserable to think about peace and hope right now.

Just now, I sat next to him as he moaned about his stomach, so I put my hand on his stomach and asked, out loud, for God to take this pain away, In Jesus' Name, Amen. And he said "amen."

Another baby step.

Then he was due for some meds, so I gave them to him and talked him into trying to rest in bed. As he lay there, I put lotion on his head, face, hands and feet.

This is usually a night time ritual, but he asked for it, so I gave it to him. As I rubbed him down, I prayed out loud again to God to please make The Ex feel better, and The Ex added, "yes, please, please, please."

And again I asked in Jesus' name, and explained the promise for answers to prayers when asked in Jesus' name. Amen.

I finished his rub down, and he was still praying, "Please, please, please..." But now that I'm back at my desk, I see putting him to bed didn't stick. He has moved, once again, to the lounge chair. So miserable. It's so sad.

But look how far we've come. He has accepted that there is a God. And now he's starting to pray with me. Those are BIG baby steps for The Ex.

When he is better (and he will get better, he is just sick from chemo now, not from cancer -- but there's always that, too) I will talk with him more about sin, and Jesus, and Forgiveness, and Eternal Damnation vs. Eternal Salvation.

I promise you I will get him to say the sinner's prayer with me before he dies. But this will take time, and timing.

If it doesn't happen sooner, as he gets closer to the end, he may see the light and want to be part of it. Of his own free will, he may ask Jesus to become his Savior and get his Ticket to Heaven, as well as eternal Fire insurance.

Robin, you must have faith that The Ex's soul will be saved and his name will be written in the Book of Lambs. But you know it has to be of his own free will; it has to come from his heart.

I could probably get him to say those words as soon as the current sickness passes; or maybe even mid-sickness if his agony becomes too great, but you and I both know that if he doesn't feel it in his heart -- they are just words.

The Ex's last scan showed mild to moderate improvement overall in his condition. The tumor in is spine has shrunk some, as have some of his lymph nodes and adrenal glands. Other nodes have grown, however, and a spot first thought to be a cyst on his liver, may actually be cancer, because it shrank, too.

So, that's good. The cancer has not spread, and the tumors are smaller. If it weren't for chemo, he'd be feeling pretty good.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that you must be patient, like God is. There is still time for saving The Ex's soul, but it isn't something you can do, nor is it something I can do. We can't save souls. But God can.

I will be the first to admit that I am no preacher. I am just a beggar, trying to lead another beggar to the well. But, I made a promise to do this and I will keep my word.

We thank you and your mom for your prayers, and I will continue to pray for your whole family's grief in the pain of your Uncle's passing. I made all those cruise arrangements, and didn't get to see him at all. :-( I'll see him again another day. You know he's in heaven, right?