Radiation Therapy - Day Fifteen

Radiation happened today without much hooplah, except inside my heart. We have a followup appointment there, and don't know why.

I'm so glad we got the cruise booked yesterday. He wouldn't have been up to it today. And rooms and rates might be gone tomorrow.


He worked too many hours again today, and then came home completely spent.

I can't ask if he wants anything to eat. I have to make something and hand it to him and say, "Here! Try to eat some of this!"

I try to make foods he likes -- salad, soup, a little beef and mashed potatoes. Tonight he just barely got through his salad and refused the meat and potatoes completely. He had soup and a salad last night. But he was better last night, said he was hungry -- hadn't heard that in a long time.

Thought maybe he was lying because I had been trying to get him to go out for dinner -- just like old times. Eventually, I gave up.

Later, I could tell that he realized maybe *I'd* like to go out for dinner, and I thought he was lying about his appetite to resurrect the dinner plan -- for me. As it turned out, he wasn't lying because when we didn't go out and I didn't serve dinner, he said, again, "I'm hungry! Got food?" I served him a light salad and some chicken and rice soup and he ate all I had served. I felt badly for thinking he was lying.

I don't think he can do his laundry anymore. I've been doing it for the past couple weeks, but I have LADD, Laundry Attention Deficit Disorder, and I forget I'm doing it when I'm doing it. Like right now.

We decide on Monday what to do next.

First, we have a meeting with Hospice for a consultation. The Ex is hesitant, because Hospice wasn't good for his Dad. He didn't get to go to a nice home to die. Hospice left him to die alone in the nursing home, with very little meds or care at all, that we saw, anyway.

But, The Ex is not in a nursing home, and never will be. When his care gets too much for me, he may have to stay at Hospice. Meanwhile, they have support services for patients and caregivers too. We need all the help we can get. I know this now.

There is enough time before the cruise to do two courses of chemo if he starts next week. He'd have Cisplatin 1x every 3 weeks, and VP16 daily for 3 days, every 3 weeks. I don't know about those drugs yet, only that the doc said they are typically the "first line" of treatment. Later, they sometimes change the meds to the second line when the first line becomes less effective.

Doc said he should only feel ill for a few days after the treatment, and wouldn't start losing his hair for 30 days. So, if his last treatment is April 29, then he'll have four days to recover and take the cruise.

One thing i must say... he sure seems to hurt less. He was in such awful, agonizing pain that he would sometimes wail "ow. Ow. OWWWWW!" So, despite feeling tired and not eating, he is already better than when he first started treatment.

Yesterday was much better. But I think that's how it goes with this stuff.

What was it I was just trying so hard to remember? Rats! Laundry!

Now that we're finished with radiation, I'll won't feel obligated to post each week night. But I'll still post, when thoughts of interest come to mind, or when I need to vent. My therapist says it's good for me. (She knows who she is!).

Best wishes to all of you in your own struggles, with your own patients, or with your own cancers. May you always have just a little more strength and courage than you thought you were going to need.