Radiation Treatment - Day Six

Day 6 was yesterday. After a weekend full of nearly debilitating pain, The Ex was better yesterday... more mobile, more alert, just better all around. That is, until he decided to butcher a beef tenderloin down into steaks and roast and scraps.

It was too much for him -- standing to cut that meat, and I thought it was gross too, to fill the kitchen and counters with all that red meat and blood. Yuck. Maybe now that I'm here, he won't do that again.

He's decided to stop using the Duragesic patches and stick to Oxycontin (which we can still get) for long term pain relief. (He's using delaudid for breakthru pain, since we cannot get Oxycodone anymore).

The patches made him slurry and forgetful. And not just a little forgetful, either.

Sunday evening at dinner, The Ex asked where our son was. When I replied that our son was away at college, he had apparently forgotten that, and from time to time, he forgets that we are divorced. He forgets what day it is, where the next appointment is, when he last took meds, but I try to keep him on track with post-it notes on his desk and a log of which meds he took and when.

He's going to try to work some today. Work, Work, Work. If I am ever diagnosed with terminal cancer, I think I will quit working that very day and spend the rest of my time enjoying the life I have left.

I'm hoping my Ex will make that decision on his own, before his company has to let him go. They've been so nice so far, letting him work as he can, but in this economy, I can't imagine any company will be inspired to keep a guy who cannot perform his job, despite the cause.

Our son was with us again last Saturday and witnessed The Ex's worse day to date. I felt sure it was time to get out a rolling walker or a wheel chair and it worried our son terribly to see his father in such pain. But The Ex will not consider using a walker or a wheelchair because THOSE are for disabled people. He doesn't see himself as disabled. He sees himself as a guy with a back condition that hurts when he walks.

I have changed our diet to include more veggies than meat, since The Ex has complained of constipation. I try to include all kinds of veggies, nuts, seeds and other tasty little nutrients. Yesterday I made terragon chicken salad for lunch, and stirfry veggies and brown rice for dinner.

Today is a big day. We have radiation at 2:30 and a brain scan at 3:30. Results of the brain scan will determine if The Ex will consider chemo therapy or not. Our Onco doc, at first, said not to bother with chemo, I'm pretty sure because she feels he is just filled with mets.

But The Ex and I decided, if his brain scan is clear of mets, he will try chemo... he'd really like to make it to our son's 21st birthday in late June. And just in case, The Ex and our son may take a cruise together at the end of April, while I stay and take care of home and pets.

Members of my family seem to think it would be in terrible taste (and not nice to my current husband) for me to take a cruise with my Ex and my son.

I guess they are right about that, though I had thought I would go if The Ex really wanted me to. But, having given it some thought, I think my family is right, and I don't think I'd enjoy cruising anyway. To me it's just an unknown party that I can't leave if I want... so I'm happy to be here and hold the fort. But The Ex and our son should definitely go somewhere together before it's too late.

Theirs was always a stormy relationship, with Father being too demanding, and son not always working to meet his potential. Nobody cares about any of that anymore.

Life is too short.