What is the EX paying you to stay with him?

Before it and a few other caustic posts were deleted from my journal, an angry poster wrote, "What is the Ex paying you to stay with him?" (I swear, she wrote this!)

I had to laugh. What is The Ex paying me to stay with him? She was kidding, right? Is there anyone else out there who thinks I'm caring for my Ex-Husband for money?
Haven't I mentioned before that The Ex was a copier technician, and not a man of great "means?"

Well, let's straighten this out, shall we?

I am not paid by The Ex for anything. I don't get alimony or child support, and I never have.

My Ex (to whom I was married for 16 years) lives 800 miles from my home, where I have lived quite happily with my new husband and our dog for more than six years.

My "car" is a 1998 23-ft Class C RV. It takes about three RV-sized tanks of gas to get from my house to The Ex's home. And I've made the trip, back and forth about six times since Feb. 09.

Sometimes, I can get my boss to pay for the gas, as the Ex's home is only 40 miles from my corporate office. But, most of the time, my husband and I assume those expenses ourselves.

Once I get to the Ex's house, in addition to caregiving, housekeeping, personal service, pet care, transportation and companionship, I still have to schedule in work -- because I still have a mortgage of my own, living expenses and a kid in college.

For the most part, The Ex has always believed that children should pay for their own educations, and thus, he has not always been a direct contributor to our son's education. In his defense -- he has always maintained responsibility for health insurance and medical costs for our son. But he's never paid a dime for tuition, car, car insurance, cell phone or other essentials.

I feel blessed, though, by God Himself, because I have a good career and an employer who allows me to work from anywhere, which makes it feasible for me to stay with my Ex.

No, I do not receive any financial compensation for staying with The Ex. None. Zero. Zip.

In fact, it costs more to stay here than it would to stay at my own home. So basically, I'm paying to be here.

So, if it's expensive, time-consuming and inconvenient, and I'm not getting paid... why am I here? Because it's funny?

No, by and large, and for the most part, it isn't funny here. I have to work at at seeing the humor in the whole situation. I am absolutely NOT here for the humor. But if I happen to catch a glimmering rainbow of humor along the way, am I wrong to catch it, enjoy it... share it?

Seriously, wasn't it a little funny when he wrote in his drug log that he'd had two ShamWows at 2 a.m., and another entry a little later that said he'd had one more? You can't make this stuff up. And denying it's funny is like leaving a Christmas present unopened. What's the point in that?

I am here because there is no one else. The Ex has no family -- no parents, no siblings, no able aunts, uncles or cousins. There's no one left except for me, and our son, who is where he should be -- away from all this -- 120 miles away at college.

I am here because this man is the father of my son. He was a strict father -- overly so, I always thought -- but, turns out, some of it sank in, and I have to credit The Ex for playing a significant part in raising our son to be an outgoing, kind, intelligent, politically aware, productive, aspiring individual that he is.

I am here because if I weren't here, I would be sick with worry every day that The Ex hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, hasn't taken his meds, hasn't made his appointments, or worse -- that he's fallen and hurt with no way to call and no one there to help.

I am here because being here enables our son to concentrate on his studies. It's not fair to leave the care of a dying (yes, dammit... HE's DYING) cancer patient to a kid who is working to begin his own career and independent life.

Oh, and if it bothers you to hear me say that my Ex is dying, I'm sorry. Perhaps your cancer is different, perhaps your doctors are better, perhaps your God is more powerful. But as for my Ex, there's never been hope for survival, only chances for a happy, comfortable ending. And I'd rather die laughing than die crying. Wouldn't you?

Mostly, I am here, I think, because God told me to do it. He's moved every obstacle, every objection, every possible reason for NOT coming to care for The Ex. Moved them away like a stone blocking the gate.

No, it's not that funny here. It's sad here. I cry every single day. But humor keeps us going; and it keeps life bearable.

If you are suffering with cancer, or if you have a loved one with cancer, I am so sorry for you. So very, very sorry. But please don't waste the time you have left with your loved one by turning your back on humor, even in this horrible, scary, uncertain time.

When all is said and done, you can choose to hang on to your tears, but I think most would rather hang on to the laughter.